I have always been amazed of what we know for surety in our lifetimes. When I was 14 and went to my 1st youth conference I very clearly was impressed with how much knowledge the youth have. To be able to walk up to the pulpit and say " I KNOW....." How many people outside of the church don't have an idea of what they really know? Especially when it comes to faith.
I always love testimony meetings, I listen carefully to how many times people say they "know" "believe" "faith"
Such a comfort to "know" where you are going, what you want, what you need, how to get it..etc.
One of the greatest blessings from being a member of this wonderful church is the ability to testify what you do know, to help others allow to feel your spirit and testimony. Its my favorite.
This post isn't exactly about testimony's and the knowledge we gain from being in this dispensation of the Gospel.
The post is more of an awakening I had to have.
When you don't know something isn't that a sure hint that its something you don't want or need?
When I am usually unsure, don't have the knowledge enough to know that I really want it, 9-10 I don't need or want it.
I have the great ability to make up my mind. I am full of assurance. I find it one of my most greatest qualities. I don't dilly-dally. When I am unhappy (whether it takes me 3 years or 3 minutes to figure it out) I fix it. I make happy. If I want something fixed, I fix it. When I want to be with someone, I make effort to be with them.
My heart is hurt right now. I didn't think I would be this vulnerable.
I always feel I am strong. I underestimated my strength a while back, and I keep finding more. I always do things on my own and don't ask for help...why? " cause I'm strong and can handle anything"
When I want the help, when I think "OK, ill expose this weakness, and then Ill get the help i need right"
Not this time.
I have this mask that I put on until the hurt is gone, and then I'm over it. It covers my real emotions, helps me logically deal with the drama, the hurt, the inevitable.
But this time, I cant find the mask. And I am exposed, the tears fell, the disappointment came out. Only 3 people have seen this. I lost the mask- it pissed me off. I remember the last place I put it and now I cant find it when I need it the most.
Its not that serious- so its not like I'm masking when I really don't need to....
I know what I want. That part is the easiest. The hardest part is finding someone just as sure as me. Willing to hold my hand and walk with me while I walk with them and we help each other, my weakness is your strength and your weakness is my strength.
Lightning struck, like never before- and I dove with my eyes closed, I saw all the good that was on my list- I dreamt about you, I pushed my fears away earlier than I should. I didn't play the game, I just went. I connected exactly how I hoped one day I would be able to with someone.
Now I'm back to the corner, and now its done. I'm gone.
You don't know, but I do.
That's the saddest part.
"Anger will eat at the most tender parts of your heart and make you feel hard-hearted, bitter, and jaded. A hard heart cannot feel the gentle touch of the Holy Ghost. A bitter heart cannot taste the sweetness of forgiveness. A jaded heart cannot believe in Christ’s power to heal all wounds, He can and He will heal your broken heart, you just have to let him.”
I know that you don't want me. I know that you don't need me. I know that you don't know a lot that I thought you would at this point. I know that I can handle a lot more than you think. I know that I am strong. I know that I am independent. I know that I am faithful. I know that I have many weaknesses. I know that someone will love me for all of me, and see what I have to offer. I know that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-iOcKaSeFo
No comments:
Post a Comment