LDS Genral Conference

This past weekend was General Conference.

It truly is one of my most favorite times of the year, each year it comes around right when the seasons change, from winter to spring, then summer to fall.
Its a special treat to hear the words that you pretty much already know - in a different voice, meaning  and then get to internalize it differently than you had previously. (like if you read it, heard it in church, or something of that sort )
Conference is usually the same principals.
-The church is true
-Focus on family
-Service towards others
-Be true disciple of the Gospel
-Missionary work
-Temple work
-Honoring your purpose in life

This conference wasn't exactly what I expected. Last minute I ran out of town and escaped to beautiful Utah. (sarcasm)
The last minute stress of leaving town, dealing emotionally with whatever I had on my plate. Seeing old friends, making time for others...I was fearful I wouldn't get what I needed.

Lucky for me. (seriously)

I had a very spiritual experience on Sunday. Quietly in my dearest friends room as we sat and watched on the laptop cuddled in bed. I got and heard exactly what my little heart needed.

Even during the sessions, instead of putting on a movie, getting distracted by TV, or doing things that don't keep the spirit, we were able to sit and share experiences and letters which helped my soul. The spirit of conference lived, and stayed with me. It didn't leave, and it didn't take for conference and the sweet music to bring it back, it just amplified the feeling even more.

Tears were shed and a light was made in my head.

My most favorite talk was by Richard G Scott.
It struck a certain chord with me. I hope one day that I have a sweet husband that can speak of me like that when I am passed.
I realized very quickly, that no matter the guy I end up marrying, no matter how wonderful a man, in order for those words to be spoken I need to reflect on exactly how I am acting, speaking, and overall being.

I have been through so much in the past. I have a HUGE wall that keeps me nasty, spiteful, harsh, loud and our right obnoxious at times. I want to rid of that completely.

I know that I am very tender, sweet, and  really i am just a ball of slobbery sadness. I act tough, but I very easily get my feelings hurt, then I get mean, because I allowed myself to get hurt and those feelings and insecurities creep in.

I have been very emotional lately...its pretty obvious in my previous posts. I had a phone conversation with my mother today. She said some words that I straight up needed to hear. I got emotionally slapped...it still stings.
As much as I want to think that I am "all that" I'm not.

Like Elder Scott's wife, he couldn't think of one negative thing to say to her. I am pretty positive that anyone can think of something negative to say about me...its true. I don't want to be that snide, too sassy, offensive girl.

Since Sunday, i have heavily thought about this, because I came to this realization..I am 3x more emotional than normal. I feel like there is something wrong with me, like I ate something that makes my eyes tear constantly.

When your heart is sad, when heartache is noticed (not just from a boy) you always turn to the Lord.
Several speakers spoke of turning trials into forces that allow you to draw closer to the Lord, strengthen you and give you the ability to grow spiritually, so you can keep aiming to be the strongest spiritual warrior.

I've decided to change a lot of things in my life to better myself. I wasn'tdoing anything really that needed to be cut, like bad movies, music, or TV ( i don't even watch TV)

I am changing my daily habits, 1st thing when i get to work i get on LDS.org and read a chapter out of the BOM.  I need to do that at home more, really ponder and study the scriptures.
I need to journal a lot more. I only do it when I am sad. Who wants to read a bunch of sad sappy entries? not me! Tell me the good stuff!
My language, I replace words with other words and justify it, if you have to justify anything- then its probably wrong.
I need to do more service. I used to do so much when I lived in Texas- always helping, serving and wholeheartedly giving everything i had (mainly bc i was so unhappy and trying to avoid my real life)
I need to pray a LOT more, not just before bed and when I wake up.
More temple work. A couple months ago I talked to a sister about being a temple worker, I need to follow through on that.
Maintain my own personal hobbies. I started by joining a tennis club (go me) I am bad at it, always thought the little skirts were so cute and I think its a good lasting hobby..I hate running, and the gym gets boring.
Spend more quality time, with quality people. I don't associate with those who are bad influences, but I need to open myself more to those who I can better serve, and those who can better serve me.

.....I'm exhausted. But....I want to be happy, and want people to see the light in me that I think I have. I want to be like Richard G. Scott's wife, the sweet tender little woman who could probably do nothing wrong. I want to be a wonderful daughter of God.